Friends.
I apologize in advance for the negative tone of this entry... but it's something that has been on my mind.
Being a best friend has got to be one of the most misunderstood, thankless, and tentative jobs of all time.
It doesn't have anything to do with the nature of friendship. It doesn't have to do with evolving environments or outgrowing one another. Rather, being a best friend is knowing and accepting the hardest thing in the world: that someday, you will be replaced.
No matter how much time you devote to a person, no matter how much you care for them or how long you have been friends... it is inevitable. No matter how much pain and joy you've shared, how many times you have held each other up, things will change.
All because of The One. The Eternal Best Friend. The Other Half. The Soulmate.
The moment a friend meets this person, the dynamic between you changes. You are usurped and replaced with this near-stranger, told that nobody has ever understood your friend like their new significant other does. Your life as a Best Friend has now become Executive in Charge of Picking Up the Pieces or Possibly Throwing Rose Petals If This All Works Out. Jealousy is not allowed in this situation; the Best Friend must smile and be happy that two souls have finally come together, that true happiness has been achieved. Bad feelings are not permissible. Your friendship is changed forever, and you can't say a word.
Why? Because this is the friend that you would shed your heart's blood for, that you would give the world to stop them from having any pain or heartache... but you can't be that. You can't be everything your best friend needs anymore. Even worse... they don't want you to be. You are no longer Good Enough. You have become unnecessary and expendable, as long as your friend is In Love.
Being a best friend is shaky business. Knowing you could be hurt any day... and all by that thing that everyone strives to obtain. True Love.
Relationships are such complicated things. Relationships of all kinds. I'd forgotten how messy they are, until the last few months. Things in my life have been so sterile.
As much as I need this mess, I just wish that nobody ever had to fall in love. To be replaced. Nothing hurts more than watching and knowing you can never be everything someone needs.
Being a best friend has got to be one of the most misunderstood, thankless, and tentative jobs of all time.
It doesn't have anything to do with the nature of friendship. It doesn't have to do with evolving environments or outgrowing one another. Rather, being a best friend is knowing and accepting the hardest thing in the world: that someday, you will be replaced.
No matter how much time you devote to a person, no matter how much you care for them or how long you have been friends... it is inevitable. No matter how much pain and joy you've shared, how many times you have held each other up, things will change.
All because of The One. The Eternal Best Friend. The Other Half. The Soulmate.
The moment a friend meets this person, the dynamic between you changes. You are usurped and replaced with this near-stranger, told that nobody has ever understood your friend like their new significant other does. Your life as a Best Friend has now become Executive in Charge of Picking Up the Pieces or Possibly Throwing Rose Petals If This All Works Out. Jealousy is not allowed in this situation; the Best Friend must smile and be happy that two souls have finally come together, that true happiness has been achieved. Bad feelings are not permissible. Your friendship is changed forever, and you can't say a word.
Why? Because this is the friend that you would shed your heart's blood for, that you would give the world to stop them from having any pain or heartache... but you can't be that. You can't be everything your best friend needs anymore. Even worse... they don't want you to be. You are no longer Good Enough. You have become unnecessary and expendable, as long as your friend is In Love.
Being a best friend is shaky business. Knowing you could be hurt any day... and all by that thing that everyone strives to obtain. True Love.
Relationships are such complicated things. Relationships of all kinds. I'd forgotten how messy they are, until the last few months. Things in my life have been so sterile.
As much as I need this mess, I just wish that nobody ever had to fall in love. To be replaced. Nothing hurts more than watching and knowing you can never be everything someone needs.
5 Comments:
Isn't that the truth. Thank you for writing that all in such a well-expressed way-- even if you thought it was just venting, it was actually Insight into the Human Psyche. Really. Being a Best Friend is probably only second to Motherhood as one of the most thankless jobs.
~Cordelia
That makes sense, Chels. You describe it very well. I went through that last year, and it wasn't easy. And it wasn't easy to face the fact that he had also found other friends whose company he enjoyed more and started making excuses for why he barely kept in contact. (I'm not bitter, really. But a small part of me feels like I've been brushed aside -- like I'm just not good enough...)
~Sea
It is so true. And it scares me to death. You've totally put into words what I've been dreading all this time.... being replaced.
I am a friend of AnaTashas and she refered me to your blog to read this entry.
I wanted to comment on my initial reaction to this insight you have posted. At the end of the third paragraph it reads "that someday, you will be repaced" I had to stop reading after that sentance because a rush of unforgettable memories flooded my brain. I am still crying inside at the thought of them.
I want you to now that you are painfully right and I wish you knew my story. My story is the foundation of this entry and I want to thank you for saying things out loud that have been traped inside me for far too long.
Chels, it's ms. shmoo. You are amazing. I really want to know how you say these things! I sit for hours pndering the thought of how you can dig inside of YOU and say exactly what every one including me want to say. You are awesome. I LOVE YOU. LIKE A LOT!
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